While She Slept
by i.am.jacks.lie
Summary: ON TEMP HIATUS! Bella is a struggling writer who dreams of a mysterious man. She pens her dreams & the book is a success. But what happens when the man isn't fictional? supernatural themes. AU canon Rated M angst
1. The 64th Night

**A/N: Yes, I posted this last night - I changed a few things, not much, it was very anal retentive of me and I apologize. **

**I have to admit that this idea isn't COMPLETELY original. I got the idea from a tv show and I'm obviously tweaking it a bit. I'm really excited about it though and I hope you'll give it a try!**

**For those of you that care, I'm not abandoning Signed Sincerely, I just REALLY wanted to start this. Ever feel inspired?**

**Disclaimer: smeyer owns.**

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**Prologue**

"_We lost him again."_

"_What do you mean we lost him!? My orders were to come to this location, you said so yourself!"_

_The soldier was indignant with rage, his features clouded in lethal fury._

"_They're smart. We've underestimated them," the voice answered in what could only be described as calm indifference._

"_Well, I'm glad you had this all figured out before you sent me here!" The bitter sarcasm in his tone carried his cold emotionless demeanor._

_His voice swept throughout the abandoned and decrepit building. The old fortress shook with his rage, but it was nothing compared to the answer._

"_Mind your place!" The voice barked in obvious antagonism._

_The soldier growled, his posture going stiff. He clenched his teeth in an effort to reel in his temper._

"_You would be wise to remember that you do not belong to yourself but to us. You gave up that right."_

"_I never had that right!" The soldier screamed, his voice making the following silence completely deafening._

_The war of words grew in volume and intensity, escalating with every roll of the tongue._

"_You serve a higher purpose. You are merely one in a sea of many. Do not, for one second, think that you are above your call of duty."_

"_Duty?!" The soldier scoffed, "Whom do I serve? Hmm? I'll be damned if I know!"_

"_I will not tell you again," the answering voice spoke lowly, fiercely. "Mind. Your. Place."_

"_How am I to serve a cause that I know nothing about? How am I to kill another being without reason?!"_

_The soldier blanched as a finger was thrust into his face in warning. _

"_That is not your concern! You were called to serve and serve you must. Complete obedience and loyalty are required. No exceptions. No way out. This is what is expected of you. This isn't a surprise, nor have we changed the rules. You'd better get yourself in check before I put the fear of God himself in you, boy. Am I perfectly clear?"_

_The strong and steady finger had not moved from its place between the soldier's brow, now trembling in absolute anger. The soldier cowered under the appendage, bowing his head in submission. He had stepped out of line in a brief, rash moment and he recognized his mistake. He served a unit, he was one of many, and there was a greater purpose. _

"_Yes, sir," he answered sharply._

_The man took back his finger, watching the soldier before him intently. "You are to wait for your next orders. Rest wherever you can find shelter and be ready at a moment's notice. We'll contact you with any news."_

_The soldier nodded and turned, taking the statement as a dismissal._

"_Oh and Edward," the voice called. The soldier swung around to look at the man but when he turned, something was different. Something was off. The soldier assessed quickly, his gaze swiftly landing on the man's eyes. They were –_

"Bella wake the hell up!" A large fist pounded on the door almost breaking it off its hinges.

"Emmett! What the fuck?!" Bella screamed, more as a reflex reaction than anything.

Once she pried her eyes open she took a moment to take in her surroundings. Light filtered through her curtains, illuminating a splash of her bed in an otherwise dark room. Her breath was heavy, making her chest rise and fall dramatically. Her heart felt as if it were going to beat right out of her chest. She was terrified, and it wasn't from her brother's exuberant wake up call.

She'd had another dream about _him_.

Heaving a sigh she untangled herself from her sheets that had her roped like an Anaconda. Her nightshirt was sticky with sweat as she peeled it off of her, a chill running involuntarily down her spine.

Grabbing a towel, she slipped into the bathroom and ran the shower for a few moments until the bathroom filled with steam. She gulped the gas, breathing it into her lungs. She let the heat consume her as she tried to forget what her subconscious had conjured up.

She ran shampoo through her long mane roughly, pulling the roots embedded in her scalp as a cathartic exercise. She used her loofa to rub her skin raw. If it weren't for the sob that escaped her throat, she wouldn't have known she was crying.

But crying she was. Because last night marked the 64th consecutive night that the soldier named Edward had haunted her dreams.

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**I know I said I'm really excited about this... and I am... but if it totally sucks ass you'll tell me right? No need to waste anyone's time. So if it's the worst thing you've read, let me know and I'll walk away. Let me know what you think!**

**oh, and chaps will be longer. just fyi.**


	2. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

**Well, this is coming a little later than I would've hoped, but I really didn't like the first draft I did, and I struggled with it for awhile. Anyways, here it is and I hope you guys like it. PLEASE let me know what you think!!!!**

**smeyer owns.**

"Well, well, well Swan. Once again, you're late." The snide voice came from behind the intimidating wooden counter at the Seattle public library.

"Bite me, Jacob." I replied as I moved lithely around the counter and towards the back room.

I walked in to find my best friend and partner in crime giggling as she checked in a new shipment.

"Already starting with Jacob, I see."

"What the fuck ever. He's an asshole." I said, probably loud enough for him to hear, as I slammed the paper cup of boiling hot coffee down – it was my morning.

"You know it's because he likes you, right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, Alice. Are we in the fucking fifth grade or what?"

She laughed a tinkling laugh and shook her head as she picked up her drink and saluted me in thanks.

I watched in rapt attention as she went back to work diligently, flicking the metal ring she wore at the side of her mouth. I heaved a heavy sigh, lifting myself onto one of the old wooden tables that was too grody looking to actually be out on the floor. I swung my legs in the open space as I eyed Alice carefully.

She was concentrating.

I sighed again, this one sounding way too obvious even for my own ears. I saw the corners of her mouth tweak up a bit, but she didn't meet my gaze.

"Somethin' on your mind, baby?"

I could tell she was humoring me, but I waited, knowing that if I kept silent, she would eventually look up at me.

3…2…1… bingo.

"I got another letter today," I deadpanned.

Her cheery – somewhat patronizing - smile turned to a frown. Dropping the pen she was holding in her hand, she walked around the mountain of books at her feet to stand in front of me and I stopped swinging my legs so I could absorb the comfort of my best friend.

"I'm sorry, Bell," Alice wrapped her strong, tiny arms around me in a vice grip.

I shrugged as I held back tears, the familiar sting prickling my eyes. It didn't matter how many times I received the letters of rejection – every single 'you're not what we're looking for' felt like a steaming pile of shit being dumped on my head. In fact, truth be told, things were getting worse. The first couple of rejection letters I had received I had taken with a grain of salt. I didn't have to get signed right away; I would persevere because, eventually, someone would want me.

But no one ever did. I had moved out to Seattle to start my career and already a couple of years had passed. I had friends that were family and a steady job, which I guess is more than a lot of people get in a lifetime. But I wasn't happy.

I wanted a career. I didn't want the fame, just the pride – the satisfaction. When people ask you what you do for a living and you can't say you're a writer - because really all you've published is a few articles in your old high school newspaper - so instead you have to say that you work at the public library biding your time until you actually make something of yourself – well, it tends to get old. There's only so many times you can hear, 'I'm sure your time is coming soon, dear', of course not complete unless accompanied with that degrading smile. The one that says 'give up now, fucker'.

And a love life? Ha! Yea, fuck that.

"Really, babe. I know it's hard."

I nodded as she pulled back, turning my head away. Yea I cried, whatever, but Alice didn't need to see that shit.

She just stood there for a moment, rubbing my back absently, looking at the side of my head as I still didn't have my tear ducts under control. The tension grew with the silence. I was visibly upset and she knew I didn't want her to see it. At the same time, I didn't want her to leave either.

After a moment, she stepped back and returned to checking in books, but not before smirking and saying, "Maybe you're writing in the wrong genre..."

I eyed her curiously, "Don't be a cryptic bitch, Alice. I'm not in the mood."

She smiled, "We all know what you're good at, Bella."

I lifted my eyebrows at her, hoping she would take the hint to continue. I had an idea where she was going with this, but I wanted her to finish her thought before I jumped to conclusions.

"Oh, come on, Bella. You know what I'm talking about," Alice smirked.

"I'm sure I have no idea. I'm good at a lot of things, Alice."

Alice started swaying her hips back and forth, walking towards me seductively. She hummed a familiar tune and snapped her fingers as she made her way over. "I wanna sex you up. All night. You make me feel real good. I want to… I wanna rub you down. I wanna sex you up."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Thank you… best friend… for eluding to my whorish ways."

"Oh, come on! I think this could skyrocket your career!" She said in all seriousness.

I scoffed with indignant annoyance. "Fuck that! It doesn't take skill to write porn, Alice."

She shook her head, "Actually I disagree. I think it takes a lot of skill."

I laughed, "Any horny fucker is gonna be able to get their shit on talking about a throbbing cock."

Alice shook her head, "Not true, I've read some pretty awful stuff before."

"Seriously, Alice? You want me to write erotica? I mean, I know I'm kind of a messed up person, but there's a difference between writing it and reading it."

She shrugged, "It's just a suggestion."

I shook my head furiously.

"No way. It's not happening. Not in a million fucking years."

She went back to playing with her lip ring and checking in the books, leaving me in silence. She knew it would bother me.

"Seriously, Al. I can't tell if you're joking or not."

She merely shrugged, a grin tugging at her lips.

"Hey Bella, you plan on getting any work done today?" Jacob obnoxiously called from right outside of the break room.

"Fuck you Black! You perverted twat! How many times do I have to tell you to stop creeping before you get the hint?"

He didn't answer which was more than enough confirmation that he had in fact been listening. I grabbed my nametag and shuffled out onto the floor, knocking Jacob as I walked past.

"Eavesdrop again, and I'll cut you," I growled.

Yea maybe I was fucking dramatic. So sue me. I wasn't about to apologize for it.

"Bathrooms need to be cleaned, Swan," Jacob replied with a bright smile on his face. "A kid just left with his mom after spending about ten minutes in there with explosive diarrhea. I would suggest using gloves."

I shook my head and turned around knowing that if I stood there any longer I would be losing my steady paycheck for sure.

"Oh, and Bella? It would be great if you could tone down the harsh language. We've had some complaints," Jacob's power trip voice was in full swing as he rested his fists on his hips in a pompous Superman stance – I always thought Superman was a tool.

"You're a fucking idiot," was the first thing that came to my mind and apparently my mouth too. Not wanting to deal with Jacob's bitching after that little display of affection, I turned a walked away, ready to get this fiasco over with.

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"_You're trapped. You can't go anywhere." His voice rang out steady and strong – unafraid and unmoved. He ran a hand through his wild bronze hair, his breathing erratic with rage._

_The accused struggled against his bindings._

"_This is illegal, you know," the slimy rat hissed._

_The soldier pounded his fist into the wall in a moment of complete madness, "There is no law here!"_

_The prisoner seemed unshaken by the soldier's outburst, remaining silent. All that could be heard was the low whir of an oscillating fan and the soldier's heaving breaths._

"_Tell me." He commanded lowly._

_The prisoner had the gall to laugh, the room seeping with the disgusting sound. The soldier's face turned to stone, devoid of all emotion. When he turned to look at his assailant, his face held no give. There was no telling what would happen now. The soldier walked forward and slapped the man in the face – hard._

_The man grinned back up at him._

"_Tell me." _

_No answer._

_A crack to the head._

"_Tell me."_

_Still no answer. Resounding smirk._

_Pull of the hair, thrust of the body._

"_Tell me."_

_No answer. The prisoner is determined, and now getting angry._

"_I'm not going to tell you. Might as well stop trying."_

_Push of the occupied chair, falling backwards, trapping his bound arms under his own body weight._

"_Tell me."_

_The prisoner's chuckles darkly, blood pouring from his mouth and pooling in the crevice between his chin and bottom lip as he gurgles the sticky substance with his laughter._

"_Is that the best you've got?" He asks after spitting a grotesque mixture of saliva and blood on the dirt ground._

_The soldier's eyes are rimmed with fire. He clenches his fists in an attempt to reign in his temper._

"_Killing you would be so easy," the soldier growled._

"_Then do it." The prisoner taunted._

_The soldier shook his head as he looked away. He needed to control himself. He had a mission and a purpose and if he destroyed it by losing control, he would surely be stripped of his title._

_Obedience. It was what was called for. It was what was important. It was _all_ that was important._

"_No," the prisoner sighed from his spot on the floor, seemingly unbothered by his position. "You won't... You can't."_

_He smiled a toothy grin as the soldier fought to keep his gaze elsewhere._

"_They need me." Even without looking, the soldier knew there was a smile on his face. He could hear it in the worthless man's voice._

"_So come on. Kill me or torture me. Hell, let me go if that's what suits your fancy! But whatever it is, can we just get on with it? I'm starting to get a little bored."_

I sat up straight, someone was screaming. Someone was screaming bloody murder.

Rose burst into my room and I looked at her curiously.

She wasn't screaming.

Her mouth was moving but…

She was asking me if I was all right?

"Bella, hunny. Shhh. It's okay. It was just a dream."

When I went to answer, my voice hitched and it was only then that I realized I was the one letting out the awful noise.

I stopped abruptly, but the silence only lasted a moment before the screams turned to sobs. They wracked my body as I rocked myself in my bed.

Chills ran down my spine from the sweat pooled all over my body.

My sheets and clothes were sticky and gross, but I couldn't move.

I could feel my hair sticking to the back of my neck and the sides of my face, but I didn't care.

I wasn't sure if Rose was still there, the room was quiet except for the noises I was making and I was collapsing in on myself- again.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Rose whispered as I felt her cool skin come in contact with my clammy back. She rubbed circles soothingly as she patiently awaited my answer.

What could I tell her? I hadn't told anyone about my dreams. They would think I was nuts. I dreamt about the same person every night, chronicling different parts of his everyday life. Weren't dreams supposed to tell you something about yourself? Well, I didn't want to know what these dreams meant.

"Nothing, I'm fine. It was just a nightmare I guess," I whispered hoarsely.

I bet if I looked at Rose she would be eyeing me disbelievingly. But I couldn't know for sure since I couldn't conjure up the courage to look her in the eye.

"Bella," she sighed.

"Really, Rose. I – I don't remember, I just know that I was scared." I lied.

This wasn't the first time that I had woken my brother or his wife up in the middle of the night with my blood curdling screams. It happened more often than any of us would have liked, and I was just waiting for the day when they told me enough was enough and I had to pack my bags.

When I moved to Seattle, Emmett was already living here with his then fiancée, Rosalie. They graciously offered me a place to stay as they had put a down payment on a house already with plenty of room.

I protested at first, not wanting to get in the middle of their 'honeymoon' phase after they did get married, but they were adamant. And I had to admit, living with them was perfect. I kept to myself enough that I didn't get in their way and they weren't overtly disgusting with the PDA. It was a pretty good deal if you asked me.

But then there were the dreams.

I knew it bothered Emmett much more than he let on. He had always been really protective of me, and he hated that he couldn't figure out why I was having such terrible nightmares.

He constantly asked me if I had been attacked – raped or mugged or something. I refused every time, but sometimes I think he still thinks that's what happened because at least then he would have an explanation.

And then there's Rose. She's the best big sister I never had. She really does look after me and is almost as protective of me as Emmett is – minus the blatant displays of testosterone.

I couldn't imagine what I was doing to them, waking them up with my screams. But I didn't know how to stop them. Emmett wanted me to go to a therapist, but I refused. I was terrified of the result. I was terrified that I would hear something I didn't want to.

Either way I looked at it, it was a lose/lose situation for me. I saw it two ways: either I was crazy and I needed help, or this was completely normal for some people and there was no cure.

Rose sighed, "I don't believe you, you know."

I stayed quiet, waiting to see what her next move would be.

"Neither does Emmett, although I don't think you were attacked," she said softly. "But I do think you remember your dreams, and I do think that something is haunting you."

I shook my head as I felt tears well up, "Really, Rose. I'm fine."

She brought her hand up to my hair and smoothed it out of my face, forcing me to look her directly in the eyes.

"You're not fine, Bella. I can't make you talk to anyone… but just, please… know that I'm here, and Emmett's here, and Alice and Jasper. We're all here for you and we want you to know that you can talk to any of us about anything."

I nodded and looked away. She correctly took it as a dismissal and left my room, shutting the door softly. It was only then that I let the sobs overtake my entire body once more.

I had never felt so alone in my life. And I was scared. Scared because I didn't know when or if these dreams would ever stop. Even more scared because I wasn't completely sure I wanted them to.

**Review please! =)**


	3. The Story That Haunts Me

**Well, I don't even know what to say. It's been a ridiculous amount of time and for that, I apologize. If you're also reading my other story Signed Sincerely, I hope to be updating that one as well this week. I have no other excuse besides real life got in the way. I had to take a step away from FF completely for awhile and get all my shit figured out. It's crazy busy over here right now and will be through Christmas but I am not trying to go another month without an update... that's just not cool and I know it. So I'M SORRY!!! and a HUGE thanks to those who have stuck through and were waiting for this!**

**All that wait, and now it's a short chapter... BUT I will say that it's extremely transitional! Read on lovers and tell me what you think! PRETTY PLEASE!**

**smeyer owns.**

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A fucking mockery. That's what this was. The asylum white pieces of paper with their black words of rejection deceivingly splayed neatly and orderly across the page. My fingers tapping harshly on the wooden table was the only sound audible – that's if you didn't count the raging war going on inside of my head.

What the fuck was I doing? Huh? Two years of this shit and I'm nowhere closer to being a published author than I was when I started.

But how do I give up? What kind of person just gives the fuck up? At what point am I not a quitter, but a realist who knows she's wasting her time?

Alice's earlier suggestion kept making it's way back into my sick little mind, but I pushed that bitch out as fast as it came. There was no way that I could do that. Writing was my thing – it was what kept me sane. All of the other shit, everything from the parties to the nightmares, that was shit that I had to deal with. But my writing was who I was. It was everything to me. And even though I knew I would be at writing about horny motherfuckers, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was possibly the only thing I was completely serious about in my life. Well that and the fact that David Beckham is the hottest piece of ass on the planet. Cause, come on, he just is.

"What to do, what to do?" I asked myself out loud.

"Isn't it a little late, even for you?" Emmett asked as his sneaky ass slipped into the kitchen where I was sitting. He may be big, but that meathead could creep with the best of them.

"Can't sleep." I answered simply.

"That seems to be a trend with you these days," he offered as he grabbed cold cuts and mustard out of the fridge.

I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing up so late?"

He shrugged, "I just wanted a sandwich after my extracurricular activities." He smiled as he grabbed the bread and started putting the sandwich together.

"Ew, really though?"

"What?" He asked innocently, laughing.

"Don't what me ya shithead! I don't need to know about you and Rosalie sexing it up. Ever. You're my brother."

He laughed and I smirked.

"Okay, how would you feel if we delved into my sex life, huh?"

That sobered him up.

"You don't have sex. You're still twelve years old and like The Secret Life of Alex Mack."

I smiled, "That was a damn good show."

He shook his head and laughed walking over and kissing the top of my head after putting all of the food away, "Go to bed!"

"Hey Em?" I asked as he was walking away, butterflies building in the pit of my stomach.

"Yea?" He answered, not really giving me his full attention.

"Do you think I should stop writing?" I said it so quietly I'm surprised he heard. But I knew he had because he stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around to face me.

In two large strides he was kneeling next to my chair, the most heartbreaking look on his face. When he spoke, his voice was filled with nothing but unwavering conviction. "Never, Bella. You hear me? Never. Writing is who you are and I don't care what anyone else says. You come alive when you write."

I stared in awe at my big brother. He was the epitome of a man's man, except when it came to me and Rosalie – then he was a sap. Emmett never had a problem telling me how much he loved me and wanted me to be happy.

"I believe in you Bella, and I always will. Your story is out there somewhere, kid. You just have to find it."

With that he stood up and walked away again.

"Em?" I called.

He turned around to look at me this time, "Yea?"

"I love you," I whispered.

He opened his arms wide and I ran to him, just like I did when I was a little kid and he came home from school. Emmett was always there for me; he had always been and always would be my rock.

"I love you too, Baby Bell. Now go to bed!" He scolded as he kissed my head again and let me go. I smiled and nodded in compliance, walking back towards my room.

_The soldier's fury was evident. His eyes burned fire, his muscles tensed like solid rock, his jaw clenched like a steel trap._

"_Who was it?" He growled lowly._

"_We don't know," the enormous being sitting across from him spoke calmly._

_The soldier ran his hand through his bronze hair, messing it up even more. His breaths were short and shallow as he tried in vain to gain composure. He had to remain calm. It was an order._

"_What do we do now?" The soldier still hadn't unclenched his jaw._

"_We go again."_

"_How can we go again?!" The soldier lost his temper for a brief moment, screaming, before realizing his mistake._

_He bowed his head, "I'm sorry sir. How do we go again when our entire mission has been compromised."_

"_Demitri was a pawn. He was a small piece of a very large puzzle. Never forget that."_

_The soldier waited, knowing that respectful silence was now required. He would be spoken to eventually._

"_There is a man by the name of Thad. Find him and wait with him."_

_After a couple of seconds the soldier stood. His orders had been given, now his call was to obey. Touching the pendant that he always wore around his neck, he found an inner strength to keep going. The small symbol stood as a reminder of what he was capable of and what was expected of him. _

I woke, gasping in a deep breath. I could feel my eyes start to water from forgetting to blink. My heart was pounding a million miles an hour. I could feel the sweat that had pooled on my chest and the back of my neck, making my hair feel sticky and unclean. Sitting up fully I tied my hair into a messy bun on top of my head, threw the covers off of my legs, and climbed out of bed heading straight for my desk.

My laptop. I needed my fucking laptop!

The latest dream was swirling around in my head, un-reconciled. Emmett's words from earlier were right there with them and I knew I had found it – I had found my niche.

He had told me that I would find my story, that it was out there somewhere. I was such an idiot! The story had been in me the entire time. The nightmares, the hellish, realistic nightmares – they were my calling, they were my muse.

I bit my nail impatiently as I waited for what I was sure was the slowest boot up in computer history.

Once the screen had loaded I wasted no time opening a new word document, only this time, I welcomed the stark whiteness, I embraced it. I knew how to make these pages bleed for me.

"_Thad," It wasn't a question._

_The average looking man with penetrating eyes nodded in return as he opened the door to let Edward in._

_The man called Thad led the soldier through his modest but comfortable house until they arrived at the kitchen._

"_Would you like some stew?" The man's voice was quiet._

_Edward nodded, "Sure, thank you."_

_The men sat across from each other at the table, silently eating. Metal spoons against ceramic bowls and quiet slurping were the only sounds audible. Neither one looked at the other, except for a few stolen glances._

"_Bread?" Thad asked._

_Edward nodded as he accepted the food being passed. He hesitated about whether it would be disobedient but decided that he couldn't take the silence any longer._

"_Do you have any information?"_

_Thad shook his head as he looked at Edward. It seemed that they had both wanted to ask the same questions of each other._

"_I don't either," Edward resolved. "What have you been doing?"_

"_Waiting for you," Thad replied simply._

_He nodded, "Those were your only orders?"_

_Thad nodded slowly, "Yes, I was to wait for you and then tend to you."_

"_Tend to me?" Edward asked, confused._

"_Yes. I must feed you, give you a place to stay, and should anything happen to you, make sure you get the help you need."_

_Edward eyed the man across from him carefully, "Are you in the army?"_

_Thad smiled, "No. I'm a Speaker."_

_Understanding lit the soldier's features, "Ah, see, I wasn't told that."_

_Thad shrugged, "I guess they didn't feel the information was prudent."_

"_They usually don't," Edward lulled quietly, silently scolding himself for being disrespectful immediately afterwards._

"_So… what, I'm supposed to wait here while you wait on me hand and foot until I receive my next orders?"_

"_I guess that's one way to look at it," Thad smiled._

_Edward nodded, "Sounds like a pretty good deal to me."_

The click clacking of the keyboard as my fingers ran across it knowingly was possibly the best sound I had heard in months. I was writing again – really writing. And this was it. This was going to get me published.

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**So like I said, short... and honestly not terribly exciting, but again it's transitional. I'm so excited about this story so I REALLY wanna hear what you all think!**

**Also, I just want to say that because of the busy-ness, review replies probably won't happen. I know, it's a jerk move especially since you take time out of your day to review my shit. Know that I AM sorry and I do appreciate every single alert/review/favorite/whatever! THANK YOU!**


	4. The Problem With Success Is

**Well, folks. I just posted a similar AN on my other story. I sincerely apologize for this being so late. Real life has been quite a journey these past few months, but it's not an excuse. I appreciate those of you who read and review my stories and it's simply not fair to make you wait months for an update. I offer my humblest apologies and thanks for those of you who will continue to read and review, it means the world. Updates will be coming AT LEAST once a week from now on. Thanks for your patience. You all are the best!**

**Disclaimer: smeyer owns**

* * *

Two years. Two glorious and fulfilling years have passed since that inspirational night. There's a Chinese proverb that more or less lays out the fact that your worst enemy is yourself. I would have to say that I whole-heartedly agree with this concept. You are the only thing that is holding you back, and I've got to say – as soon as I adopted this as my mantra, life as I knew it changed for the better.

I was able to free myself of hindering insecurities and boundaries and just be the person – the writer – that I wanted to be. I thank God every day for that night of restlessness that led to the biggest thing that would quite possibly ever happen to me in my lifetime.

After a year and a half of diligent writing, re-writing, finding a publisher and an agent, going through publishing, and then six months of being on the market, 'The Soldier' was on numerous Best Seller lists including the New York Times.

I was in a perpetual state of euphoria. My book about the soldier in a special ops army so secret that no one could identify to whom they belonged was on fire and just kept on going. I felt like everyday held a bit of more good news.

No more damn library, no more slumps, no more feeling like I had wasted my life, and no more Jacob Black – well that's not completely true, he's still a pain in my ass. However, he was such a miniscule part of the amazing life I had going on right now that I even took the time to find some humor in his little antics.

My friends and family were through the roof excited for me; Emmett told me every day how proud of me he was. We didn't live together anymore; I got a place of my own when he and Rose finally did the dirty deed and tied the knot. In fact, they were expecting a little one in about three months. Emmett couldn't be happier, and I couldn't be happier for him. He was going to make a great dad.

Alice and Jasper were still Alice and Jasper, still hopelessly in love, still my best friends in the world. Alice had gone through an accelerated business program and was well on her way to owning a chic boutique of her own.

Lieu d'Isabel was named after me after a drunken night of promises. I promised to dedicate my next book to her, and only her, if she named her store after me. Looking back at it, I have no idea why the fuck I would ever want her store named after me, but a deal's a deal, and we laughed about it everyday.

So here I was, working on the second book. My publishing house, Blue Herring Publishing, was ecstatic over the prospect that this book could be an entire series. The story could seemingly go on forever, as long as I could keep coming up with missions for my soldier.

They had no idea that the book they published was a result of many restless night strung together. In fact, no one knew but Alice – she's the only one I ever told about the nightmares – in detail that is.

Rose and Emmett could hear them, and Jasper knew I had them, but no one except for Alice knew what they were about.

It's not that I was ashamed, far from it; I just felt that it was no one's business. I figured that the dreams were my own subconscious dealing with whatever shit I couldn't sort out in my waking hours in the most fucked up way possible – why couldn't I profit off of my own fuckedupness?

"Knock knock!" Alice called as she let herself in.

I closed my laptop after quickly saving my work. The first and second drafts of the manuscript were done and I was waiting on some revisions from my editor. In the meantime though, I had begun to get a head start on the third installment of my series.

"Are you five?" I asked as she walked into the family room.

"Good morning, grouchy. What's up your ass?" she replied handing me a coffee.

"Nothing anymore!" I smiled in thanks at the caffeine.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, sitting next to me at the high table I was seated at.

"Do you have to go into the store today?" I asked.

"Yea, I have to do payroll and order some fabric, but I'm taking my time. Marcel is covering right now." She replied.

"Oui oui! Marcel iz zee best! Iz he not?!" My French accent was horrible and stereotypical. It drove Marcel insane, which was all the more reason to do it.

Alice giggled. She definitely encouraged my behavior. We are children.

"So how was your date last night?" Alice asked, her eyes lighting up.

I rolled mine, "Come on. Why the fuck do you care so much about my love life?"

"I wouldn't if you actually had one!" She retorted and I just looked at her, "Okay, yes I would. But you don't have a love life, you have a fuck life."

I smiled, "Yep, and it's working out pretty damn well."

Alice shook her head at me, "Bella, don't you want to find something more?"

"Something more like what? Like you and Jazz have? Like Em and Rose? Of course I want that, who doesn't want that. But chances are one in a million and my odds aren't good now that you and Rose have bagged two of the fish out of the fucking spectacular male pond."

"Bella, you have so much going for you. You deserve what I have and I want that more than anything for you," she rubbed my arm in comfort but it was anything but.

I wanted that too, more than I would ever admit out loud. But who was I kidding? Where the hell was I going to find a decent guy? The shithead that took me out last night made me go Dutch before getting his rocks off in his rank apartment. He wanted to just do it in his car, but I'm not in high school anymore, let's have a little class. At least give me room to spread my legs, ya fucker. And after all that, I didn't even orgasm. Fuck that.

And thus was my love life… or as Alice pointed out, my fuck life. They weren't all that bad; some of them were quite wild and definitely memorable. But there was one thing in common with all of them; I always went home alone at the end of the night. And as much as I wanted to say it didn't, it hurt. It fucking broke my heart.

"So are we still on for dinner tonight?" she asked sensing my discomfort.

I snapped myself out of my self-pitying daze.

"You bet. I wouldn't miss Jasper doing karaoke for the world!" I smiled.

Jasper lost a bet last week when we were playing darts at the bar. He lost and therefore had to get on stage at karaoke night and sing a song that I chose. I was still mulling over my options.

"Great," she smiled getting up.

"You headed out already?" I asked.

She nodded grabbing her purse, "Yea, I want to get things at the store finished early so I can head home and catch a nap before tonight."

"All right," I said as I got up to walk her to the door. I gave her a quick hug and watched her walk down the hall, making sure she got on the elevator okay before shutting the door and making my way back to my laptop.

I was currently at a stand still with the story. That was kind of the problem with writing a dream story… I had ideas of where to story could go when I wrote to my dream's end, but it never matched up with what would happen the next night as I slept. It was unnerving somewhat to know that I didn't have as good of a grip on my character that I thought. However, it was a compulsion – I had to write what I dreamt. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to sway, even a little bit from the dream.

There were no spaces to fill, no gaps, the dreams covered every minute detail from beginning to end. I saw it and then I wrote it. I was a voyeur of sorts in my own dreams.

Shaking my head, I closed down my laptop. I was done for the day; I needed some time to just relax. Ever since that fateful night two years ago, things have been a constant whirlwind; I barely have time to catch my breath.

Walking over to my bookcase, I picked up my copy of 'The Soldier', smiling as I ran my fingertips over my name on the cover. I still couldn't fully wrap my head around the fact that this was mine – all of it.

I stared at the nameless man on the cover, his back towards the camera, standing upright and strong – just as a soldier should. Opening the book, I heard the delicious creak of the spine and I flipped through a couple pages.

Obviously I knew the story back to front, but each page brought back a different memory for me. I remembered writing each and every word.

A sharp knock on my door brought me out of my revere. My head snapped quickly in the direction of the offending sound. My brow furrowed in confusion.

Who the hell could that be?

All of my friends and family let themselves in with their keys, and I wasn't expecting anyone. I walked over to the door.

They say that hindsight is 20/20, and in hindsight it may have been a good idea to look through the peephole before I opened the door. But alas, I didn't.

"Are you Isabella Swan?" The smooth voice asked as he stood opposite me.

I couldn't move. My eyes were probably bugging out of my head, my jaw probably on the ground – I couldn't bring myself to care. It's not possible.

"Are you Isabella Swan?" He accentuated every word, the tension and anger building in his beautiful voice.

I couldn't speak. I was rendered speechless. There was no profanity in sight. So I simply nodded my head.

His eyes grew impossibly darker at my admission and he held up a copy of my book.

"I'm Edward Cullen, and you have some explaining to do," he replied angrily through clenched teeth.

I didn't know what to do. I did not want to let him in, but shutting the door in an angry man's face didn't seem like a good idea either, especially when the man standing before me was the soldier that I had dreamt about every night for almost eight hundred days. Holy Shit on toast.

* * *

**So I'm thinking next chapter will be the first ever EPOV? what do ya think??**

**I'm listening to Parabola - Tool**

**What are you listening to?**


	5. A Soldier's Dilemma

**Hello Lovey's! Sorry this is a couple of days late, I'm on vacation in Florida so I hope you understand! Please let me know what you think!! This is the EPOV. Chaps may get a little longer as the story continues, but I'm not positive. At this point I don't want to give too much away. hugs&kisses!!**

**disclaimer: smeyer owns  
**

**EPOV**

**------------------**

It's been two years since I met Thad. At the time I had thought he would simply be a passing acquaintance, someone I could look back at and remember fondly, but not vividly.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Thad had become essential to my survival. Not so much in physical terms – although he kept me well fed, and healthy – but more in emotional terms. He was the first real friend I had ever had.

I had brothers, and plenty of them, who would give their life for me if need be. However, with the brothers, the mission always came first – as it had to. With Thad, I knew that he'd be there for me no matter what. There was no trepidation with him.

For the first time in my existence, I dared to feel because I knew I could, because I had someone to share it with.

I knew that it was dangerous in my position, but I couldn't bring myself to care all that much. There were things about my job – my duties – that I wasn't always sure of. However, complete obedience was the number one rule. No exceptions. Even thinking about straying would land you in serious trouble. That's why everyone kept their mouths shut. We were a brotherhood all right, but one with many closed doors.

And now, with the loss of Demetri, over two years ago, we were still searching for answers leaving everyone on edge. We were waiting for the next attack that would alert us to the presence of the enemy, all the while searching relentlessly for any sign of them before they struck – to no avail.

Everything was tense, the whole army was glued to this mission as it concerned our own as targets. Thad was my break from it all. He knew everything that was going on, but he wasn't directly involved. He was exactly the kind of companion I needed through these times.

It was just another drab day at the fort. Another day of not knowing anything and desperately searching for something. Thad was out getting essentials, something which I still knew little about, as I hung around his house. I was busy reading the Great Book while he searched for what he needed. The Great Book was our code of conduct book – if you will – for the army. Every member had one and had read it several times over. In this book you learned your enemies weaknesses and your own strength. You learned the power of those in charge and the punishments for acting out. The Great Book was essential for every member and it was one of the requirements that the ha-olinim were strict on.

The ha-olinim were our commanding officers, quick to judge and harsh in punishment. To be a part of the army required incredible amounts of strength and obedience and only the best were chosen. And out of the chosen, only a few would actually make it. They were easy to forgive, but they never forgot – and that could not only cost you your position, but your life as well.

Thad burst through the door as I was studying. I looked up to see that he had not bags in his hand, as he usually did when he went out, but a small book. His face was distraught and I immediately became worried as he closed the door behind him.

I stood, "What is it?"

He held up the book, his words escaping him.

"Thad, what happened? Did they speak to you? Have you heard?" I asked in regards to the ha-olinim.

He shook his head slowly, the terror never leaving his eyes. I was growing frustrated with his silence. I walked up to him and he handed me the book, the very item that had him so spooked.

I read the front cover – "The Soldier" – it didn't make any sense to me. My face must have shown my confusion, because Thad spoke for the first time.

"Read it," he said.

I flipped the book around, skimming the back cover.

My jaw tightened and my nostrils flared as I felt myself become enraged. The back of the book described a lonely soldier, on a quest to fight evil. He was described as a handsome man with piercing green eyes and unruly bronze hair.

It wasn't possible.

I flipped to the middle of the book to read a passage, praying that this wasn't actually happening.

'_Do we have a lead?' the frustrated warrior questioned his chief._

_The stone-faced veteran shook his head solemnly._

'_I can't believe we let Demetri get away! He was our best shot at beating this thing.'_

'_Nothing is impossible, brother. Nothing. We will win this war.'_

'_And how long will it take?' the soldier became enraged. 'How many more of our brothers – of the innocents – will have to die?'_

_The chief blanched at his words, 'They are not innocent.'_

'_They are in this battle! They know nothing of what is happening, how are we to sacrifice them?'_

'_They are a cold and ignorant people. Let them suffer.' The chief spat bitterly._

'_How dare you!' the soldier screamed, 'How dare you defy the Great Book! You know we fight for justice and mankind. What do you think the Master would say if he heard you speaking?'_

_The chief looked down in shame, something that Edward had rarely seen before, 'Please forgive me,' was all he said._

"How is this happening?" I ground out.

Thad shook his head, "I have no idea.

"Who knows?"

Thad shrugged, "I don't know. All I know is that I saw this in the window of the bookstore as I was walking in the grocery store shopping center. I don't know why, but it caught my attention and I found myself walking in to look at it… and then obviously I freaked out and brought it back here."

I started pacing the floor, running my hands through my hair roughly. Who was behind this?

Well, obviously the enemy was, but who had the Intel? And on top of that, who was this I. M. Swan and what connections did she have to the enemy?

I became furious. We couldn't find out any coordinates that would sabotage the enemy, we couldn't find any Intel that would find them out and smoke them from their hiding place and here they were with a book of my every move.

There was only one explanation – we had a rat. Someone had to be tailing my every move and further than that, they had to be on the inside to have some of the information they had.

"They're going to kill me," I said to Thad. "They are honestly going to extinguish me. My every move is jeopardizing the operation."

"They're not murderers," Thad offered.

"It doesn't matter. They work for the masses."

"Edward, you can't think like that," Thad reassured. "They're you're brothers."

"And if they were in my position, I'd do the same thing," I snapped. "We work for the good of mankind. Remember when I told you that you and I had a different friendship than the ones that I have with my brothers?"

He nodded.

"That's because they lack something that you have. You are able to discern that certain situations call for extenuating circumstances. You are able to see the gray area. My brothers – I – we are trained to only see white and black, good and evil, help and hindrance. After this, I will be a hindrance."

"Well there's only one thing we can do then," Thad pressed.

"What's that?" I asked, rather bored. My fate was sealed as far as I was concerned. One minute I was reading the Great Book, preparing myself for the inevitable battle, and now…

"We have to find this I. M. Swan."

"What?"

"We find the author of this book and annihilate them."

"Kill them?" I asked, shocked that Thad had suggested such a thing.

"You said yourself that this was the work of the enemy… so we take the enemy out of the picture. Think about it! This is the first lead you've had on the enemy since Demitri."

He was right. This could potentially be our biggest lead since the death of our would-be greatest adversary.

I nodded, "How do we find them?"

Thad had taken care of finding out the name of the author of the book. Isabella Swan. What was the enemy trying to pull with that? Was it some sort of joke? To pick such a beautifully innocent name? I wouldn't be deterred.

I walked briskly up to the door of the seemingly innocent apartment that held Isabella Marie Swan constantly aware that this could be a trap. I had told Thad to alert the speakers if I didn't come back in sufficient time.

My anger grew as I took each step, as did my awareness. My hairs were standing on edge along with my nerves. My fists clenched at my sides with the anticipation of coming face to face with the enemy after so much time.

I knocked sharply on the door and I heard soft footsteps coming towards me. I braced myself for whatever was to come but what I met was a far cry from what I was expecting.

The woman that stood in front of me was as beautiful as her name. Her long mahogany locks flowed in waves around her face and down her shoulders. Her lips were naturally pink and pouty. The apples of her cheeks were rosy and plump while the rest of her face was petite and thin. Her eyes were delicious pools of milk chocolate.

But even more than that her eyes showed surprise and possibly disbelief? It was then that I remembered how cunning the enemy could be. I would not be tricked by this siren.

"Are you Isabella Swan?" I spat angrily.

She nodded, apparently rendered speechless.

"I'm Edward Cullen, and you have some explaining to do," I growled.

She just stood there as if contemplating whether or not to let me in. I guess she decided I was okay because she opened the door wider and stepped aside.

**-------------------**

**So I'm from Philly and right now there's a MASSIVE blizzard happening. I'm supposed to come home from Florida tomorrow but I don't know if I'm going to be able to get home! Not that I'm complaining... if you're stuck in this mess, I'm sorry!!!**

**I'm listening to Two Drink Minimum : Chris Cornell**

**What are you listening to? I want to know!! :)**


	6. fakeout

**I know this is a total fake-out and I'm SOOOO sorry! But I wanted to give you an explanation because I seriously feel awful about not updating. I know I promised and I really do intend to finish both of the stories I have going, efficiently.**

**I own a business though and it's just been one thing after the other with all of the holidays. I'm not saying that to offer excuses, I just want you to know that I haven't been sitting on my ass all day long, I literally don't have a chance to sleep, or breathe. I just want you all to know that I appreciate you reading my stories and I don't want you to think I'm half-assing them. I have an open house showcase this weekend where I feature all of my products and after that, I'll be posting real chapters. I swear!**

**So I just wanted to apologize. Sorry for getting your hopes up, but I just want you all to know that you reading means a lot to me and this story in particular means a hell of a lot to me. I have really high hopes for it and I hope you'll stay with me :)  
**


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